Panic Disorder

Diagnosis Date: April 7th, 2011
Do I Actually Have It: No

Our brains are fascinating tools. Inside of our heads, we have the greatest calculator, creator, music maker, writer, performer, speaker and overall personality definer floating around, held up by a tiny stick and helping control our entire bodies. You, me, and everyone on earth is incredible in their own ways, and a lot of the ways it starts is in the brain. Everyone has great abilities and crippling weaknesses, most of which can be traced back to our heads.

Our brains are so great, in fact, that one minor thing can worm itself in there, or one wire could go a little loose or one chromosome could be added in and break down the whole system. Even then, we have the greatest tool on earth, right inside of our bodies.

Which is another reason why our disorders, fellow anxious readers, are so hard to pinpoint.

You see, the list of mental disorders is really long and really insane. Some are really subtle or crazy and things that people don't have. Those things can be ruled out immediately. Others are spot-on and evident from day 1.

But some are caught right in the middle. That's where me and "Panic Disorder" come in.

First of all, Panic Disorder is a fantastic band name (quick! Take dibs!) and second, as the name implies, it is a disorder where someone has frequent panic attacks, mostly for no reason. They literally just appear out of nowhere. If you've had a panic attack or are still having them, you know how not-fun they are. I was having panic attacks--a lot of them--and, with good reason, my doctor thought that having this disorder was very possible. And for that, I don't blame her.

But here's how strange anxiety is, and another reason why our disorders are so tough to even explain to people: When I was out in public places, or performing in front of people, I didn't get stage fright or agoraphobia, two common themes of Panic Disorder. (To be fair, stage fright is like the number 1 fear in the world, but you get the point.) Along with that, the longer time went on the less panic attacks I had. Now I don't have them anymore except maybe once or twice a year, maybe less than that. Last year I only had one. This year so far, I haven't even had a symptom of one, making this a false diagnosis. (I talked to her about it, she said so, I promise. :D)

I wrote this disorder down to really (try to) lay out the more confusing parts of anxiety and how easy it is to even mix up different disorders. With anxiety, OCD, depression, depersonalization, schizophrenia, etc., there are so many layers to every cell of every part of our minds that not even so-called professionals can always accurately predict what's going on up there in between your ears.

Know this: No one is perfect. If you're doctor/therapist/psychologist/mom says you have something in your head that you don't and they're wrong, don't get mad at them. Anxiety isn't a physical disorder. We, as humans, can diagnose the flu or broken legs, but that beautiful, wonderful instrument up in your head? There's a lot going on up there all the time, so it's understandable that sometimes people are going to make false diagnoses.

Along with that, know that you're AWESOME. Anxiety/OCD/Depression/anything else is tough, really tough, but it's just one flaw in a literal catacomb of AWESOME. You're great the way you are, your brain is great the way it is, and there is no one in this great earth that has a brain that is AWESOME like yours is.